


Tear Me Apart *Mentions/Implies previous rape/asssault*

by Still_Floating



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Also she's super depressed, Also the military is full of some fucked up people, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Headcanon that Minkowski is a victim of sexual assault in the workforce, Hidden Friends, I'm just saying Hilbert's a doctor and this is his job, Minkowski has night terrors, have you ever tried dealing with night terrors on your own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 18:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12990105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Still_Floating/pseuds/Still_Floating
Summary: Minkowski dealing with the loss of Hilbert.





	Tear Me Apart *Mentions/Implies previous rape/asssault*

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all, headcanons everywhere here. Suspend your disbelief a bit please, especially because I know how Hilbert dies and about Alana but nothing afterwards.

I went to my quarters, exhausted from not only doing my work, but playing keep-up with all of the work Eiffel hadn't kept up with. It was so strange to think how short of a time it had been since Doug showed back up, preceded by two of the most frustrating and degrading men I'd probably ever meet in my natural born life. It was worse to think how short of a time it'd been since...he was killed. No freak accident, no assumptions like what had happened with Doug. Hilbert was dead. And to be honest, I still didn't know what to do about it. In one short week it seemed everyone had forgotten or didn't care to begin with. Lovelace and Hera seemed a bit... not happy, but relieved I guess, and I understood that. What he had done to the both of them was borderline unforgivable, given their limited experience with Hilbert. Hell, basically everyone had limited experience with him. The only people he really interacted with often were either sick or infected with Decima.

But I was always sick.

I sighed and decided to just sleep, maybe get my mind off of it a bit as I counted sheep-sometimes figuratively, tonight literally. I counted the sheep I worked with and around, blindly following the orders of a certain Colonel. It seemed like anyone who wasn't on his side was pretending to be indefinitely. Then again, I hadn't come up with any plans either. And I guess maybe I was just mad because I was sick without a doctor for at least a couple light-years. 

I eventually drifted off to an extremely non-restful sleep, but was woken up not too long later by bombs and gunshots and men that weren't there. I had gotten used to those over the past week though, and eventually I hoped to stop them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I again fell into sleep, I was pulled out in what felt like less than ten minutes later by a demon much more tucked away. It was about this time that I unstrapped myself and went to go to the lab, knowing there was no way Hilbert had gotten around to going to bed yet. I fought myself, knowing that soon enough I'd be back to safety, under the eye of somebody that I'd finally learned to trust. I attempted at the door to no avail. 

"Hera, open the door to Hilbert's lab please, and don't watch what happens after."

"Um, okay. Are you okay Minkowski?"

"Nothing worse than usual."

"Lieutenant, you do know that he's not-"

"For the love of god Hera just open the door." I didn't want her or anyone else to see me like this except a man literally required by law to tell no one on Earth about what he'd seen nor heard.

The door opened in front of me. I stared into the lab, confused at it's disorganization, but more importantly how cold and dark it was. Hilbert was nowhere to be seen.

And then it hit me...like a ton of bricks to the face. That it didn't matter how long I slept, how scared I was, or how much I needed him to be there. Hilbert was dead and gone. 

I curled into a ball on his old examination table. "This...This can't be happening..." I began to hyperventilate. This went on for nearly half an hour before I heard one of the last voices I wanted to hear. 

"Something bothering you, Lieutenant?" Jacobi.

"No, nothing."

"Mmhmm, then what are you doing losing your mind in the Medical Bay?"

"It's. Hilbert's. Lab."

"Whatever you say. Look, your oxygen levels are dropping fast in here. Hera didn't want to say anything, so I told her I'd fix it before she'd have to notify the Colonel. This room is too small and too unsupervised for you to be alone in here."

"What do you mean, unsupervised?"

"I just mean that Hilbert made a lot of different narcotics and-"

"I'm not high!"

"I know you're not. But I'd like to keep it that way, in case your situation gets any worse than it is. Come on, we can go sit somewhere, talk this out."

"Not a chance Jacobi."

"Unless you want to say hello to the Commander due to a massive oxygen shortage in this here room, I'd rethink that answer."

"Just go back to bed Jacobi. I'll make my way into my quarters, alone."

"And what happens when you wake up again? Clearly you came here for a reason, and I'm sorry but no amount of sitting and waiting in the room they were always in and hoping to hear their voice is going to bring them back."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I understand. I lost my best friend, okay? I know I'm not your favorite person, and hell, you're not mine either. But we both did what we had to do for our own reasons. I had orders, you had your crew. Neither of us backed down. It's just a bad situation all around, and I'd rather not dwell on who caused it indirectly."

"Fine. But we're keeping this out of our quarters; I am not getting any questions of that sort."

Jacobi laughed, "Fair enough." We found a bigger room to set up shop in and stayed as much as we could to one wall. "So what's up?"

"Night terrors."

"Great, what of?"

"Personal stuff. Nothing you'd know, nothing really anybody but Hilbert would know, considering it was never written down anywhere."

"Uh oh, more secrets. We all saw how well this went last time. Do you want to talk about it, or Hilbert, or anything particular?"

"Look, there's really only two men in this world I was willing to share the cause of these night terrors with; one's dead and the other thinks I am. So, understand if I'm a little slow at this."

"Okay."

"Just one thing straight off the bat, I went to him because he was a doctor. It wasn't for any other motives besides the fact that he was a doctor and he'd be awake."

"Okay."

"I've had these issues since I was a kid, in one form or another. Sometimes it's been diagnosed on it's own or as a symptom of something else, but I was never medicated for it. I got a hold on them a long time ago, but when a certain event happened, I just haven't been able to shake these specific ones without help or hours of just sitting there at an impasse. I was lucky Hilbert even agreed to talk to me the first night."

~~~Flashback~~~

Hilbert's POV

A knock sounded on the door to my lab. "Come in." It was the Commander, and though I at first thought I was going to be told to get to bed or confronted as to why I hadn't eaten last night, I figured out quickly that this wouldn't be the case. "Yes Commander?"

"If you so much as breathe a word of this to anyone, it'll be your head."

"Understood. What about Her-"

"Hera, could you please keep your proverbial ears out of this one?"

"Performing debugging cycle now Commander, and ooh it's a big one. This could feasibly take two hours! If you're nice to me, that is."

"Thank you Hera."

We gave her a few seconds to fully shut down. "So, what is problem Commander Minkowski?"

"I... You've seen my file right?'

"Yes, more than once."

"Then you already know about the night terrors."

"Yes, indiscernible cause, inconsistent subject matter, untreated."

"Yeah. Well what you don't know is about what happened before I was on the ship."

"Go on." I was curious, admittedly. What could she possibly have seen or done that wouldn't have been in the report?

"I was... shall we say hurt by a certain male Commander of mine that I worked for before Goddard. It was before I met my husband, and I was so young that I just... well I figured that it was my fault anyway, and that there wasn't much point in saying something. He only did it once before another woman in my barracks reported him for sexual misconduct with her. A couple more women joined onto the case against him, but as you can see from that 'inconsistent subject matter', I was not one of them."

I was taken aback to see the Commander like this. Her voice was ragged and her breath stuttered repeatedly, forcing her to constantly take breaks in her sentences. "Alright, I assume you're recovering from night terror currently then?"

"Yes."

"There are multiple options to try and get grip on subconscious. Medication, behavioral therapy, just talking. Any options you're particularly inclined to?"

"I'd like to keep narcotics and other addictive substances off of the table, I need my head cleared, not more clouded."

"Alright. Best way is to begin talking and move towards behavioral therapy, which will require you to perform and be part of tasks simulating your fears. Is hard work, but extremely effective."

"What else do I have to lose?"

~~~End of Flashback~~~

Minkowski's POV

"Did it help?"

"It was. This was only about six months prior to our lovely Christmas Incident. I really didn't get long enough for it to fully fix me. We were doing well in behavioral therapy to take out the cause, but we weren't actually there yet."

"Ah. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Not really. I guess just... try and understand if I'm a little harsh okay? I know it wasn't exclusively your fault, but you did kill the only person who'd ever actually helped with it, without beating around the bush, and maybe that was my fault for not talking about what happened, but still. Excuse if I'm not your biggest fan right now."

"I understand completely."

"Look, I'm actually getting a little tired, it's mostly over with for now. Would you mind if I went back to bed?"

"Not at all Lieutenant."

I did, and slept a bit easier for knowing that I had someone to talk to. Still, it didn't replace the feeling of actually doing something to get rid of the problem. As I woke up though, it felt like I had taken a step away from letting my mind tear me apart.


End file.
